Jun 15 2013
The Truth about Forgiveness
Unfortunately, some people find it impossible to forgive, but when you have a coach that is with you every step of the way, it makes it much easier to move forward with your life and forget the past.
When you forgive it really is the only way that you can resolve those deep feelings of guilt, resentment or anger, whether you are trying to forgive someone else, or forgive yourself. By holding on to those feelings, you are unable to establish close relationships, pursue a degree, or go for that promotion. The inability to forgive could even cause problems with your family.
Unresolved resentment and anger can also contribute to health problems such as high blood pressure, depression, diabetes, digestive problems and even heart disease.
A good life coach will tell you that it is best to deal with any issues that you have regarding forgiveness as soon as possible. Most people know someone who has carried anger with them for days, weeks, months, and even years, and sadly, some of those same people take those issues to the grave. Unfortunately some people will carry that anger toward someone who has passed away never being able to forgive them for something that happened decades ago.
If you want to help yourself forgive, the first thing you need to do is to understand what happened in the first place. A good start would be to write a letter to the person, even if it is yourself, whether dead or alive, about the behaviors that you found unforgivable. You will not have a tough time doing this because those issues will continue to haunt you whether consciously or subconsciously. This letter will not be sent and is just a way for you to voice your emotions and get the pain out.
After you have written your letter, take some time to reconsider everything that happened from the other person’s viewpoint. Although this may be excruciatingly difficult, it is a good way to figure out what it is like to be the other person. Ask yourself what it was that made the other person so angry or what led to their actions that hurt you so bad. What was it that triggered those behaviors?
The letter that you write is a tool that will help you see past the hurt. Human nature may make this difficult to do, but by letting go of the anger or hurt you can get past the fear of being hurt again. When you push past the hurt, you push past the fear.
People who are unable to forgive actually experience a sense of power, giving them a sense of being the righteous one. By forgiving someone, you are letting go of the power and accepting your own responsibility. This could be a hard thing to do, but when you forgive, you are also liberating yourself. Playing the victim is comforting, but will eventually limit your abilities to grow.
Forgiving someone or yourself completely is a challenge and that challenge demands your complete honesty to the other party, and to yourself. Regardless of your age, it is time to deal with others and grow up.
You will know when forgiveness has taken place because the love has been restored, for yourself, and for the other person. Once you have buried the hatchet you can learn and move forward. When you forgive, you heal. It’s never easy, but it is vital if you want to lead a healthy and happy life.