Winter Solstice

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  • Dating the Right Way

    Unfortunately, not every person is successful when it comes to dating, and if you seem to fall into that category, there are some things you can do. Therapy is a great way to find the person of your dreams.

    Know Yourself

    The most important thing to remember when you date is to know yourself. If you don’t have a clue of who you are, maybe it is time for some therapy work. Broken people find broken people. Knowing and loving yourself is imperative if you want to be successful when it comes to dating.

    Don’t know a good therapist? Call and schedule an appointment so that you can find the underlying cause of your unsuccessful dating patterns. Dr. Renee Winters is an expert when it comes to dating and can help you come to terms with what you do and do not like about yourself.

    Renee M WintersMake a List

    Write down a list of qualities that you are looking for in a potential partner. Make sure that you include, “no go’s,” and, “would consider,” traits. Be detailed and concise with your list writing down such things as, “I want him/her to be caring.” Ask yourself what you mean by caring and who you want your potential dating partner to care for or care about. Caring can mean caring for a family member or a four-legged animal member. If you want a potential partner to be caring, it is important that you dialogue with your date to see if he is capable and willing to provide the type of care required to meet your needs.

    Date with a List

    If you have a habit of getting caught up in the emotional aspect of dating, you need to step back. Feeling a connection, an unbridled passion, sparks, or fireworks does not dictate a strong and healthy relationship. The whimsical romance displayed in movies can lead to disappointment, movies glamourize this attraction. That connection you feel may be purely physical and could quickly fade once you get to know each other better. Always date with your list in hand.

    Renee M WintersNo Settling

    You are searching for someone to share your life with, not a kitten, or a puppy. It is important to stick to your goals and remain true to yourself. Settling for someone because you are afraid to be alone can lead to an emotional roller coaster that can be hard to end. Be picky, after all, marriage is forever.

    Understand Dating Rules

    Make sure that you understand the dating rules before you head out the door. That way you can make wise and informed choices. There is a right way and a wrong way to conduct you on a date. Know the protocols for each specific date and how to begin and end each of these dates with the right amount of involvement.

    Schedule an appointment with Dr. Renee Winters who can help you understanding the dating rules more clearly and can help put together an action plan for better dating results.

    Check Please

    While on a date if items illuminate that are “no go’s”, politely finish the meal and call the date over. Don’t waste your time with someone who has a “no go”, even if it is the hottest celebrity you know. Again, we are not settling for a puppy, but rather a life mate. Be considerate of feelings, but verbalize clearly that you have no intention of moving forward.

    Look for Red Flags

    Make sure that you are constantly checking for red flags as your dates progress. Remember, people tend to put their best foot forward at the beginning of a date, therefore there may be underlying red flags that you aren’t seeing. Look for red flags in other areas such as how the person behaves behind the wheel, how he or she treats others, their viewpoints on hot topics, and anything else that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

    Renee M WintersCommunicate

    Communication is the key when it comes to any new relationship. If disagreements or arguments enter the picture early, ask yourself why. If your date is argumentive or defensive from the starting gate, it is best to move on. You are not a therapist and delving deeper into reasoning for their bad behavior is not your job in dating.

    Numbers Game

    Dating is a numbers game. Never quit and work through your frustrations. Dating is like fishing. Throw your line back out and wait for the next catch. You never know if “the one” is next on list of potential suitors. If frustration persists, take a time out, catch your breath and go back in with a renewed sense of purpose. What you project out, will land right back in front of you. Date with good energy.

    Renee M WintersNo Sex

    When looking for a life partner, there is no sex in dating until after the 6-7th date. If you want to have sex, find it with someone else, not with a potential life mate. This is a huge rule violation that both men and women struggle with in the dating process that can lead to emotional turmoil and breakup.

    Professional Opinion

    Make sure that you always discuss any insecurities or uncertainties with a professional before you consider ending things with your date. Your views may be skewed causing you to say good-bye to your perfect match. Don’t ask your jaded friends, your mother, or your single friends about your potential life partner, as their opinions may not be in your best interest.

    If you would like to know more about dating the right way, schedule an appointment with professional psychologist Dr. Renee Winters who can help you find Mr. or Ms. Right. Call or click and schedule your appointment today.

  • How to Improve your Self-Esteem Without Pulling Your Hair Out

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    Self-esteem is something that is instilled in all of us when we are young. Constantly being criticized by your own family, your friends, and society in general tends to wear down even the most confident people. Feelings of low self worth can creep up even in adult hood when an incident can trigger a negative experience from the past.

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    Low self-esteem can result in a loss of self-confidence making even the simplest decisions impossible. For the next couple of weeks, I’m going to go over some of the things you can do to improve your self-esteem.

    Dress up for the Occasion

    You are more conscious of your appearance than anyone is and if you find yourself getting a bit too comfy in your jammies it’s time to step it up a bit. Treat yourself to a new pair of jeans or if you spend the majority of your time at home, buy a new pair of yoga pants. Throw out those old sweat pants and put on a new pair of jeans when you head to the grocery store.

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    Keep it Clean
    Your personal appearance includes your hygiene. Bathing, shaving daily, brushing, and flossing, and wearing clean clothes will boost your self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself.

    Straighten Up
    It may sound crazy but standing tall exudes self-confidence. Folks who are constantly slumped over give off a lack of self-confidence. Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back. Not only will you feel better, but also you will make a positive impression that will make you feel empowered and alert.

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    Get Off the Couch
    You don’t have to be a work out fanatic to exercise on a regular basis. Find something that you enjoy and stick with it whether it’s a 30-minute walk every day, a 50-lap swim or a row around the lake. When you work out you are doing something to improve the way you look. When you look better, you feel better. It’s also a good way to do something more constructive. When you work out in the morning you feel energized and refreshed making your day much more productive.

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    Do Unto Others
    Give back to the community. Volunteer at your church or local youth club. Help with the food drive or spend Saturdays in the food kitchen. When you give back, you are helping the rest of the world leaving you less time to fester on your personal flaws.

    Nice Shirt

    Compliment others and you will begin to break the draining cycle of negativity. When you praise other people, you become likable and that builds self-confidence. When you look for the best in those around you, you will begin to shine.

    Renee M. Winters (909) 992-0979

    Dr. Renee M. Winters
    (909) 992-0979

     

    Well it’s time for another client, but I will be back next week for part two of, “How to Improve Your Self Esteem without pulling your Hair Out.” In the meantime, if you are unsure about anything in your life, come in and talk to me. I’m in Upland and ready to take your call or answer your email.