Look at your broken heart with the curiosity of a naturalist, as you would pay close attention to your pet, to understand what is going on.

The pain of mourning and heartbreak is neurologically similar to being submitted to torture. There seems to be only one way to end that agony and to limit somatic damage; neurobiology calls it an evolutionary jump and psychologists call it an increase in consciousness.

Past theories of grief therapy considered recovery from the point of view of stages: a one-year cycle of mourning was supposed to heal the heart. Not so! A true Liberation of the Heart is a process of neurogenesis as well as a process of individuation, which means that the whole brain must re-configure its connections and its thinking about love and relationships. The good news is this: if you love, your heart should be broken at some point or other in your life.

If not, your love may remain the innocent love of a child. This book explains what you need to understand in order to avoid victimization from the traumatic aspects of heartbreak and mourning. A wider definition of love and a deeper understanding of its psychology will free you of the obsession for the missing partner and will teach your heart to love in a wiser manner.

Dr. Paris is the author, among other books, of Wisdom of the Psyche: Depth Psychology after Neuroscience (Routledge 2007). She is core faculty at the Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara (www.Pacifica.edu).

James Hillman, the Pulitzer nominee and acclaimed author of psychology, wrote this about Ginette Paris’s style: “She turns the page into a new century of psychology. What an achievement!”